We've got just over 4 months to go and we're still in the same place we were 2 months ago. Oh no, wait! We've chosen a song for me to walk down the aisle to. Well I say we. I liked it and asked H2B and he showed the same amount of interest that he shows in everything wedding related, including me, i.e. none. So I took that as a yes. This is my song.
I've asked him to take dance lessons because I'm afraid of the first dance, and he's refused because that would take valuable time away from his computer.
His friend is making the invitations for free which is really nice of her, but I'm freaking out because I have no control over it and if they're horrible, I can't just say so. And ideally, I'd have them now, but she hasn't even made samples. They need to go out next month and she hasn't made one of them yet!!! And I know it's a favour and everything and really nice of her but I'm panicking.
My bridesmaids are also showing no interest. Not even in organising a hen night. Plus I've had to order a new dress for my MOH, but I'm under strict instructions from my mother not to tell her because it'll upset her delicate feelings that she's not a size 10 anymore. I've not been a size 10 since I was 16 and I'm not crying over it!! This new dress has pushed me over budget on the bridesmaid's dresses. The shoes also ordered in her size, don't fit her either because she's clearly a size bigger. And she doesn't like the shrug either. Plus, she's been posting on facebook that she wants to climb Ben Nevis in the same month. I know I can't ask her not to, but it's just another thing that's annoying me. She's meant to be supporting me through this and instead she's pissing off up mountains and making me over budget and I feel guilty that I'm getting married and ruining people's plans because she might not get to do it the weekend her friends are, and my brother is worried that my wedding will clash with his trip to New Zealand for rugby and might have to change his flights.
I am just feeling really low and alone. I think my dress will look horrible, that my photos are going to make me look fat, that everyone else's weddings are going to be better than mine, and that mine is just going to be a total disaster because nobody but me cares about it and that if H2B would ever drag himself away from the computer and show some interest, I might feel a smidgen better.
I'm actually tired of talking about it.
Fuck it. I'm off to eat my bodyweight in chocolate.
Days til the
Level of madness: High enough to want to run away to a convent.