Tuesday, 22 November 2011

2.5 months later

Surely, I should be over the wedding blues by now.  In a way I am.  I'm glad I don't have the stress of it all anymore.  I don't have to think about table plans and decorations and argue with family members about their chavvy offspring's attendance.  I've not repaired my relationship with my brother or his brood of Buckfast swillers, and I don't think I ever will.  I'm polite and civil for the sake of my parents, but that's as far as it goes.   I don't have to worry about fitting into my dress( which is a good thing because I've gained so much weight since the wedding that my "fat jeans" don't fit anymore.

But... thinking back on the day - and although it was amazing - I feel let down.  There was no fuss on the morning of the wedding.  No champagne (well there was but I had to buy it and pour it and I was the only one drinking any), no strawberries, no sense that I was preparing for something special.  Just me runinng around in my dressing gown trying to make it special and it falling flat.  I just felt like nobody was interested.   Maybe it was my fault.  I'm so independent that I just made decisions on my own and did everythng and maybe that divorced my parents and my bridesmaids but they could have made some kind of effort.   Or is the special, fun getting ready thing just something that happens in tv or the movies?

Then after the wedding, my bridesmaids abandoned me.  I didn't see them again.  My maid of honour spent the rest of the night outside the function room, getting drunk with her sisters, and smoking.  My junior bridesmaids largely stayed out there too.  My other bridesmaid got changed out of her dress.   I had to figure out how to use the toilet by myself because there was nobody to help.  One friend helped, but I couldn't ask her all night!

We got the photos back.  Our album is amazing.  But somehow my mum managed to avoid being in most of the photos.  She's disappointed and I am too.  Again, it feels like she just wasn't interested enough to take any kind of role.

I was disappointed with my dress.  In all the photos you can see my bra straps.  I asked the seamstress to do something about it and she ignored me.    I'm disappointed that I didn't look more pretty or beautiful.  Just me in a dress with messy hair because the wind destroyed it.

Our album though.  It's brilliant.  It's like a storybook.   I have to physically restrain my husband from showing it to everyone.  Really.  I caught him showing the bloke who came to read the meter!!  I think he's proud of it.

Sigh.  The wedding achieved everything it was meant to.  I'm happily married to the love of my life, the day was great and good fun, but I think if I had to do it again I'd have gone in with lower expectations.  And chosen different bridesmaids.