Saturday, 21 May 2011

Crappy, rubbish hotel

I know I promised to post about nice things but....

I need to rant again.  I just have to.  You see, it's our venue.  We looked at a few venues (well 3) in our price range before deciding on the one we chose.  The first was a local hotel and it was dire.  It was dark, and gloomy and filled with bad plastic plants and torn table linen.  It was also right next to the kitchen and all we heard for the 10 minutes we stayed in that venue (9 of them to be polite) was the microwave dinging.

The second venue was also local.  It was an arts centre, but it looked like a swimming pool and I didn't like the idea of getting married on a stage.  People will look at me!!

The third was a big hotel well known for its weddings.  H2B loved it because some people he knows worked there and I liked it becausse of the sweeping driveways, bar in the room and space for a ceilidh.  We couldn't find bad reviews and even though it was expensive, we decided to go for it and get married on a Sunday.  Sundays are cheaper you see.

I really, really wish we hadn't bothered.  Since we paid the deposit (muppets), they've been crap.  Crapper than crap.  Crapper than the little deposits that H2B leaves on the side of the toilet (how hard is it to go in the actual water?).  As we seem to be cursed, the first co-ordinator went off on long term sick leave.  Co-incedentally, so did our solicitor when we were buying our house.  Is there something about dealing with me that means people go off sick when forced to deal with me?  I'm actually quite nice, and not a scary dragon.  Anyway, the hotel didn't tell us about that, and it took a couple of weeks.  Then we got a nice, shiny new co-ordinator, who was all of 6 years old.  Am I just getting old?  She had a contract for us.  Only it was the wrong contract and I had to correct her.  Then I had to chase her for half a month to find out how much I needed to pay.  Obviously I was chasing her by email and telephone, not actually chasing her.  I have images of her running around the hotel grounds, me chasing her with a contract in hand.  It has the Benny Hill music behind it.

They said they'd get in contact 4 months before the wedding.  It's now 3 and a half and we haven't heard.  We've complained to the manager and I await their response.  Possibly in 6 years.  Which will be good, because our invitations might just be ready by then.

 Arrrgh, don't they know I'm a stressed bride.  I was stressed out enough about the invitations.  Stressed enough to warrant a dominos pizza.  I don't need any more grey hairs thank you and I certainly can't take another pizza.  My jeans wouldn't fit and I'll have nothing to wear.  And I have no money for any more because I've given it all to a rubbish venue who haven't mastered the art of emailing yet.  Just fucking tell me stuff!!! 

I can honestly see why people get on roofs with sniper's rifles.  I swear if they don't respond to this complaint, I will go down there, kidnap the events team and beat them until they organise my fucking wedding like they're supposed to.  I just want a room, and some chairs and some food and some wine.  That's it. That's all they're in charge of.   How hard can it be?

Anything else want to go wrong?  Please don't.  If I get any more wedding related hassle, I'll be found quivering in a corner, sobbing and painting with my own poo.   Why didn't we just go to a registry office and then tell everyone afterwards?

Thankfully H2B has just made me smile by fraping my facebook profile with the following "I'm a gooey lovey-dovey girly girl.  I wuv my H2B soo much".  

I'm turning into a proper bridezilla!!

Days til the wedding (if the hotel haven't forgotten we've booked): 113
Level of madness:  High.  Very high.  Almost volcanic. I'm threatening to beat people up ffs!!

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